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Streptococcus is not a meeting of political bigwigs. Listeria is not a flower that blooms in spring. Germs. GERMS, people! Think you’re afraid of super delegates? Try. . . superbugs. They are everywhere. Recently while on a business trip, I shared a room with a colleague. No biggie. We were upgraded to a huge room– a suite, actually. Aside from the sound of guy snoring, and the faint aroma of dirty socks, I hardly noticed the guy was there. But one morning, before a big meeting, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth when I noticed that . . . my toothbrush was already wet. Like, SOMEONE used my friggin’ toothbrush, and it wasn’t me, unless I sleep walk AND brush my teeth. I’d prefer to sleep walk and do my taxes. Anyway, as I was standing there, looking at my damp toothbrush, I remembered I totally embarrassed the guy at foosball once– I mean, I slaughtered the guy in front of the boss. All I could think of was my electric toothbrush being used to scrub the toilet, shine his shoes, or WORSE. Yeah, I don’t know what’s worse. So when I went down for the continental breakfast, I made sure to smile like a maniac so he’d think he got his revenge, I mean we still had like three days to go on this trip (I heard this guy slashed the tires of a bike messenger who cut him off in traffic– man, he should work for Vladimir Putin). Luckily, I had a back-up toothbrush.
When I got home, I promptly bought The Million-Germ-Eliminating Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer.. This sanitizer eliminates 99% of bacteria, and shocks the bugs off your toothbrush faster than you can say “job security.” Okay, not that fast– but in 7 minutes you can clean your mouth with a clean toothbrush and rest easy. It kinda looks like the mini version of Michael Jackson’s hyperbaric sleeping chamber. Hey Brett from accounting? Watch your back, man– watch your back.
