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Have you seen Wayne Newton lately? You can bounce a quarter off his face. Seriously. He looks the same as he did twenty years ago, but . . . shinier. That’s what I call good livin’. I saw him when I was in Vegas for that gadget conference. What?! I had to. Look, he’s been doing old school, before old school was cool. Excuse my French, but the lady cougars were screaming in there like teens at Zac Efron concert. Mr. Newton might look like a delicate, seamless lounge lizard action figure in all those sequined suits, but dang it, he could probably take me in a street fight– he’s been around. NOT IN THE FACE! And DON’T touch my hair.
After seeing Wayne Newton live and up close, I’ve been thinking about my skin, and what I want it too look like in 20 years. Okay, somewhere BETWEEN the Crypt Keeper and Wayne is a happy medium, and I think Men Science Eye Rescue Formula will help get me there. Now I know we’re only suppose to use Irish Spring for all our beauty needs– right, men? Well, if you want to look like jerky in a few years, you go with that. I want to look. . . distinguished— a little grey around the temples, smile lines here and there. . . I might even wear an ascot and a tweed jacket– but BY GOD I’m going to keep my strapping good looks.
Look, the skin around eyes is some of the most sensitive on your body. The Eye Rescue Formula has a matte finish, no one knows you’re wearing it and why not look like you got a good night’s sleep after working late at the office– people will think you’re super human AND a Vegas showman, or something. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful (sorry. . . I had to).
