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So my dream is to have a hidden room in my house. You know, one of those rooms that you can’t find unless you move the one secret book and then the bookcase moves aside so you can enter your secret lair. While I’m at it, I also want one of those wall safes that hides behind a giant painting. Note: I have no money, so the secret room is out of the question until I hit the Powerball. And I have, like, no valuables that would go in a wall safe. So I guess that’s that.

My valuables would do better in this safe. Yes, I said safe. The Iceberg Lettuce Safe is the perfect hiding place. The bad guys will never think to look in your crisper (ask your wife, she’ll know what a crisper is). The bottom snaps off to reveal a secret hiding place. Perfect to protect cash, jewelery, or other small valuables while you are away.

Available at Bim Bam Banana for $49.